I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 ESV
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24 ESV
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24 ESV
about the author
Who is Payton Pope?
How to introduce myself...
Hi, I'm Payton Pope and I'm a worship deacon and pastor's wife. That's good, but I’m more than those two things.
Hi, I'm Payton Pope and I'm a writer and high school math teacher. That works, but I'm still more than that.
Hi, I'm Payton Pope and I'm a follower of Christ. Absolutely sufficient for my identity, but will people who aren’t Christian understand?
At the core I struggle with who I am. I struggle with who God is, what He has called me to do, why He lets my friends, family, community, and humankind suffer in a broken world. I struggle with why God would send His Son to go through brutal pain just to save me, undeservedly. Every time I've been desperate for an answer to one or all of these questions, I've never received it until I did something to grow closer to the Lord. I would go as far as to say that any and all of a Christian's questions can be resolved by striving to know the Lord in a deeper way. (Although we cannot receive perfect knowledge, of course, since we are imperfect and mortal - but that just keeps us coming back for more of God!) God is the one who provides wisdom (James 1:5-6).
Over the years, I have found strength in times of trial, peace in times of upheaval, and comfort in pits of despair by relying on God. For the longest time, though, I did not know how to grow or maintain my personal walk with Christ. I had friends and mentors discipling me, but I quickly realized I also had to put in my side of the effort...My goal is to use this blog to provide and point to resources that help you and the people around you enjoy God more. My hope is that any question, any trial, and any pit of despair that you encounter will be flooded by the encouragement and comfort of the Holy Spirit. My hope is that any resistance you feel, either from your own brokenness or Satan himself, is overcome by your own effort through the power of Christ’s strength.
James, the half-brother of Jesus, introduced himself as a servant instead of choosing to boast in that he grew up with Jesus personally (James 1:1). So, like him, let me reintroduce myself!
Hi, my name is Payton Pope and I am a servant of the Lord. I am:
Seeking God's Will
Praying for God's Will
Abiding in God's Will
Saved by God's Will
about The page
the For His Will story
Life is hard. Charles Spurgeon once said, "The mind can descend far lower than the body, for in it there are bottomless pits. The flesh can bear only a certain number of wounds and no more, but the soul can bleed in ten thousand ways, and die over and over again each hour.”
My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer in December of 2020 shortly after we celebrated his one-year anniversary of being cancer free - also shortly before our one-year wedding anniversary. Many people sought to give us comfort, and many sought to give us advice - some practical, some spiritual, some awful, some offensive. But the best counsel and consistent reminder we received was that Richard would absolutely, definitively, undoubtably be healed whether here or in heaven. As tough of a pill this was to swallow it gave me great peace and continues to do so.
Paul said four things from four different letters that I often turn to in this battle/journey:
"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better." Philippians 1:21-23 ESV
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 16-18 ESV
“But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” Acts 20:24 ESV
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 ESV
My husband loves the Lord very deeply. With a 1-2 year prognosis, I pray for healing every day. But in knowing that the Lord loves my husband more perfectly than I ever could, I also learned to pray for God's will.
Praying for God's will sounds way easier than it actually is, of course. My anger towards God grew more and more through the unsuccessful chemotherapy and radiation treatments, seeing him run out of the pulpit and straight for the bathroom, or even passing out in the church lobby with a swarm of frantic members to the days where he can barely get out of bed, date nights are canceled, and future dreams of having children shattered. I still hide and shrink away from conversations that turned towards "next summer vacations" or 2024 concert tours. Like Eve, I ran away from the Lord when he was calling me to Him. The thought of praying for God's will seemed impossible.
Fortunately, I had friends and family surround us with love to keep me grounded in the Word. A wiser woman of God, whom I look up to simply asked me, "What promises of God can I remind you of?" I told her that I often fell into a depression from seeing my husband's bodily torment; that I would forget God's goodness and care for me and Richard.
One text from her read: "Hi lovely! Praying for you this morning. Also, God is good. He hates to see you hurting. He hates the brokenness of this world and the effect of sin. And even though he isn’t stopping the pain you and Richard are both experiencing he promises to carry you through it. You’re so safe. Richard is so safe. He’s coming for all of us and that puts joy in my belly. I love you!"
I would be in a very bad place without these friends, but God is taking care of me. God is taking care of my husband. Although that prognosis hasn't changed, the reminders of God from His Word, my friends, and the Holy Spirit that dwells inside of me help me to pray for God's Will. I pray for healing every day, but I also pray for God's Will. As I pray for God's Will, I know God better. As I know God better, I become more like His Son. As I become more like Jesus and know God better, I have more peace through all of the pain. For His Will was developed out of this - I want to share what I've learned with the everyone!
I realized that no matter what hardships I or my loved ones went through, we all have complete healing and the beautiful, unfiltered presence of God to look forward to when Jesus comes back.
Life is hard. God is good.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30 ESV
Life Update
I am crying tears of joy as I write this. The words above were written in early 2023. In February 2024, the doctors told us that Richard’s cancer is shrinking - almost 30%. It is now March. Thank you to the people, literally, around the country who have been praying for him all this time. I praise the Lord that, although he still has cancer, he won’t be dying in the next year. I no longer shy away from conversations about the future - we have even planned to go to a concert in the fall of this year! :)